Three First Names and a Last
By Kade-Mica David Battles
Part One: Battles-born
People have always told Kade that he has an awesome last name: Battles, derived from the name Battersbee,蜉 the name his ancestors before they left the motherland and changed the name for a brand new American dream, or manifest destiny, or both. The name-envy of his peers confused Kade because when he was little,蜉 he thought violence was a bad thing. Kade believed these compliments would lead to violent encounters, drugs, gangs, bad grades, hell, and everything else Southern Baptists are taught to fear. Being tall didn’t help either because there’s nothing more awkward than being the tallest guy in first grade, especially the second time around. He did not get in fights though, at least not at school. Kade had the helpful hand of older cousins for his daily dose of rough housing. Nevertheless Kade loved his name, possibly more than anything else. His father, who had problems with his side of the family, would occasionally start the conversation, “How would you feel if we changed our names?”
“I’m Kade-Mica Battles,” the lad said, speaking more words than he usually did all week.
“I know,” his father solemnly acknowledged, driving down the road in one of the cars that started out as Just Mom’s then became the family vehicle. “I thought maybe we could change our last name to something like Warner or Smith, maybe?”
“No,” Kade said, on the edge of tears. “I’m Kade.”
Kade’s parents named him after the place they were married, Cade’s Cove in Tennessee. The place is named after an Indian Chief named Kade, but some official changed the name to Cade, to go with the C in Cove. Kade has always wished they would change the park’s name to the original spelling.
His Dad half-frowned. “Wouldn’t it be really cool to pick your own last name?”
“I’m Kade-Mica Battles,” Kade repeated. The “Mica” was technically biblical despite not having the “H” at the end. Later Mr. and Mrs. Battles had the gall to add David during Kade’s junior year of high school.
“There isn’t a single name you would rather have?” Mr. Battles asked.
Kade frowned. “I like the one you gave me.”
Part Two: Champion of the Oppressed
Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster grew up during the 1930s and the Great Depression. Kade grew up in the 1990s and 2000s during the Recession. Siegel and Shuster were Jewish and lived in the state of New York. Kade was raised Baptist in the modern state of Alabama. They created Superman in Action Comics number one蜉 while Kade exhaled and wrote a blog. His first encounter with the Man of Steel was at the age of five in a reprint of the Superman’s first appearance. Then his parents gave him the story of Superman’s demise at the hands of Doomsday蜉. Afterwards, Kade would abstain from Superman stories until he purchased the first volume of All-Star Superman.
Kade loved comic books and illustrated panels of flying supermen and women for him to idealize and relate to. These would be his first real introduction to the written word, with clever stories about Spider-Man fighting the Sinister Six, Kyle Rayner being the last Green Lantern, Captain America defending more than just America, or Superman dying of cancer蜉. Where others saw children’s picture books, Kade saw Art in these monthly magazines, art made by people who put their souls into characters they might not even have created. When Kade read something like Scott Snyder’s Batman, he saw clever crime mysteries. Then Grant Morrison’s Batman and experiences over the top adventures. Then, there’s Neal Adams and Dennis O’Neil and Peter J. Tomasi and Judd Winnick and on and on all the way back to the creators Bob Kane and Bill Finger. There are so many different personalities, hopes, and dreams, but still Batman. If that isn’t Art, then Kade to this day is a blind idiot who wants to draw superheroes for the rest of his life.
Kade would later grew from these stories into what others considered “real books” like Percy Jackson and Harry Potter, then the stories of Mark Twain and Shakespeare, etcetera, etcetera. Kade read, wrote, and drew until his hands would cramp. Then he would watch TV. Meanwhile, Kade dealt with stuff like moving at least every two years, Asperger’s Syndrome, sisters, Val Kilmer’s Batman, and many other life issues. None of this bothered him though, Kade was either above or oblivious to all of his problems. As a kid he was too stubborn to read actual books for idiotic reasons like: books are boring or they don’t have pictures. Maybe Kade did this because he was tired of how his Parents, older Sister, classmates, and others would disrespect what he thought was Art.
Kade thought he could make a difference, like Superman, with his Art. Kade drew everything he could think of, from robots to wedding dresses. Sadly, after participating in Art Club, during his senior year of high school in Tennessee, Kade realized he enjoyed the creative writing class better. So, he stopped trying to be like Shuster (the artist) and decided to be Siegel (the writer).
Part Three: Four Old Women Live in his Head
In his childhood, Kade didn’t form many friendships that lasted more than two years, at least not with people his own age or who were not related to him. Four of his friends were elderly women from Wellington, Alabama, who never married anyone except maybe God, being the Baptist equivalent of nuns. They were on his Mom’s side: Ruth, Frances, Sarah, and Shirley McKerley. His Great Aunts, the oldest at least sixty and youngest at least forty-five, were the only people he used full sentences with or filibusters concerning whatever cartoon or comic book he was interested in back then.
Since his parents were always busy finishing college and working, and his older sister was, well, an older sister. His Dad worked at WALMART for thirteen years while his Mom had many an odd job ranging from Dollar Tree to hair salons. While his older sister was a child prodigy, she was also too mature and overprotective of her socially disordered little brother. His home or at least the most consistent one was that house in Wellington, Alabama. Not that Kade didn’t love his parents, he just had some extra ones.
Each helped form a significant part of Kade’s personality in those early years. Ruth was always curious, so Kade was curious. Francis was stubborn, so Kade was stubborn. Sarah was kind, so Kade was caring. Shirley was strict, so Kade was disciplined. Tragically, in 2010 Aunt Shirley died. Kade had experienced a death in his family before: his Grany, Grandpa Buddy, Granddad, Grandma, a cousin named Michael, a brother who died in a miscarriage. However, until May 21, 2010, Kade hadn’t lost part of his mind.
Part Four: The Sky
One annoying question that everyone asks, and which bothers Kade greatly, is, “What’s up?” In response, Kade says, “The Sky.” He says this honestly, like a blunt bloodied candlestick in the hands of Colonel Custard from the game of Clue, which is a strong example of Kade’s moral beliefs. He used to say “God” as the response, but that didn’t make sense to him or anyone else, so he changed it to “The Sky.” Like some religious ritual, Kade says “The Sky.” Honestly though. Thankfully the Sky is always up there, just like God. In Egypt, the goddess of the Sky is called Nut. Maybe because God’s crazy? He did make us mad, beautiful artists along with average accountants and baristas. Why?
On September 15, 2003, the Battles family had a miraculous addition: a little sister. Kade was jealous at first because he wasn’t the baby anymore. The day she was born, Kade woke up early to an empty house, except for his still sleeping older sister. He ran through the house three times looking for his parents, only to be shocked to see his Paw Paw sleeping on the living room couch. His parents were already at the hospital. Paw Paw took his sister to school and Kade to the hospital. He was there when the little one came. Before he saw her, he sat in an empty hospital room surrounded by his four Aunts and grandparents. Shirley stood smiling calmly in the corner. Then the nurse brought the baby in. When Kade held this little replacement, he saw the insanely beautiful work of the Sky right in front of him. He was a big brother now.
Part Five: The Point, Maybe?
Kade, or at least a speck of him, sees the world through upside down glasses. He looks through prescription lenses at an inverted place where everyone hates him. He knows no one actually hates him, because you have to really know someone to really hate him. Nevertheless, Kade looks at others and sees hatred toward him that usually isn’t there. Under that thin layer of hatred he sees friendship, love, comedy, tragedy, and all that other normal people stuff,like a thin layer of grey haze that showed through all the black and white of the world. Thankfully, Kade doesn’t have a hateful bone in his body, usually.
The boy known as Kade isn’t a pessimist. Quite the contrary, he believes in the world, in the monotheistic Christian God, in movies, in stories, and most of all in Faith. Faith is the only way Kade gets through the day, by a belief in what’s not there or can’t be proven by obvious means. The world is upside down, but Kade still believes it will turn tomorrow, and the next day. People will smile. Nazis will die. Babies will be born. Taxes will be filed accurately and on time. Kade just is himself in upside down glasses, an artist, four old women, a big brother, a writer, a champion of the oppressed, a little brother, the battles-born, and every other label you, or I, could add. To break third person for a moment, “I’m Kade.”
kade-isms 